Joel and Answers

In May after a lot of testing we found out that Joel has a condition called PDD-NOS and that puts him on the Autism spectrum.  Deep down we knew there was a possibility he would be on the Autism spectrum, but actually hearing it confirmed and said out loud was more than I could handle.  My heart felt like it was broken into pieces and then stomped and squished and kicked into the corner.  I spent the next week uncontrollably crying on and off and not being able to talk about it or eat very much.  On the plus side it was a great way to lose the last few pounds I had been working on, which made me happy!  Brad handled it a lot better than I did and it was great to have him as my rock.

Why was I so upset?  No one wants their child to be broken and when I heard the diagnosis I thought “my son is broken and I can’t fix him, he will never be fixed.”  Ignorance is bliss sometimes.  I knew Joel had developmental and speech delays and sensory issues, but in my mind if I kept going to therapy Joel was going to magically catch up and he was going to be fine.  Now we knew that wasn’t going to be the case, Joel was never going to be like other kids his age or even like his brother.  We know he is a wonderful, smart, funny kid, but it is hard to think that some things will be difficult for him for the rest of his life.  Not only that, but knowing that not everyone will appreciate him like we do.  It takes a lot of time and patience to get into Joel’s world and appreciate the way he thinks. 

We have spent our spare time, you know when we weren’t packing/unpacking, reading about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and making some important decisions.  There are a lot of books out there and websites and it might take me a lifetime to get through all of them!  We have decided that the best thing for our family would be for me to be home full time, so effective at the end of the month I will no longer be working part time as a veterinarian.  I plan on doing a little bit of relief work, but no set schedule.  I am going to miss work, but it is what is best for us at this time.

Our situation with Joel has opened my eyes to careers I didn’t know existed and given me more empathy for parents of children that have more severe problems.  It also helps me to appreciate the wonderful children I have!  Growing up with Joel is going to make Vincent and Cecilia more compassionate people and Brad and I more patient people.